On March 3, 2019 at 6:26 am we got the call from our niece, Sasha regarding my brother Ricky. He was in intensive care fighting for his life. Ricky had fallen from a third story balcony and suffered traumatic brain injuries.

I had missed her call so she called my husband Grant. I woke up to the sound of his voice. The moment our eyes locked I knew deep down in my spirit that something tragic had happened. I literally felt death. I still didn’t know what the call was about, I just kept having a hard time catching my breath. I kept hearing myself groan because somehow I knew someone was dying.

Grant hung up the call and told me Ricky had fallen from a third floor and was in ICU and that he wasn’t going to live.

I cried out, I prayed and pleaded for his life. All while trying to pack preparing for the 7-8 hour drive from Virginia to Connecticut.

As I was getting ready I kept hearing a song play over and over in my heart, “Raise a Hallelujah” by Bethel Music. I didn’t question it I just asked Grant to find it and play it. I knew I had to enter into worship. “Wow, worship at a time like this”????

My biggest concern and heartfelt prayer was that Ricky’s soul would be saved. I remember speaking directly to him through prayer that morning, urging him to call on the name of the Lord.

I pleaded with the Lord to let me get to him before he passes. I just wanted to touch him and pray over him one last time. I kept thinking to myself, “What if God concedes a miracle as I pray for Ricky”?

At 8:05 am Sasha called, she was sobbing incoherently telling us that Ricky had passed at 7:55 am that morning. I kept shaking my head no no no…screaming out “I asked you God, I asked you to let me see him one more time.”!!! I wanted to be upset at God but I couldn’t. So I just cried instead.

The loss of a loved one is so incredibly painful that you literally feel you can die from the pain.

During our drive up North I would have moments where I would lapse into uncontrollable crying and everytime, my husband would hold my hand. I could hear him whispering prayers over me.

During one of those moments where I thought I would lose control I clearly heard God whisper in my heart, “I know your pain.” Somehow that settled me down a bit. It was as though God didn’t want me to be angry at him or blame him for my brother’s sudden loss. Through the tears I was able to process what He had just told me. “If anyone knows the pain of loss is God the Father.” He witnessed the tragic torture and death of His own son so that we would have eternal life, so that Ricky’s soul would be saved.

The funeral arrangements were all done by my husband. God gave him the grace to handle such a difficult chore. We settled on Wednesday for the wake and Thursday morning for the burial.

While I prepared for Wednesday evening I convinced myself that I was strong and could handle saying goodbye to my baby brother. My resolve came tumbling down as soon as I got to the funeral home. Ricky’s casket had been opened and it was just too much for me to bear. My mom had promised it would be a closed casket ceremony. But unfortunately she succumbed under the family’s pressure to open it. The day before she had confided to me that she’d prefer not too. I can’t explain it but that caused a deeper hurt.

I couldn’t go in to see him, I refused to see him in that state. Family members tried to convince me that I would regret it if I didn’t. I knew in my heart that I WOULD regret it if I saw him lying there. That was not a memory I longed to cherish.

During the evening I felt so inconsolable, devastated and distraught. At one point I literally felt as if my own soul was leaving my body. Grief is not easy.

My cousin Develyn grabbed ahold of me as I sobbed inconsolably and she fervently prayed over me. I believe her prayers touched the heart of the Father because what happened many hours later was truly a touch from heaven.

Thursday morning I woke up, again determined to be much stronger (I now know I was trying to be strong in my own strength). I was calm because I had been assured that Ricky’s casket would remain closed. As I’m getting ready to leave and head to the funeral home Grant informs me that the casket had been reopened. Again I lost my resolve. My knees buckled and instead of crying I wailed.

I refused to return to the funeral home if the casket was still open. The pain of not being able to walk up to his casket to say goodbye properly was more than I could withstand. Grant walked me to the couch and sat me down. Through my pain of loss and feeling that I had been lied to I started crying out to God. I attempted to explain to Him why I just couldn’t bring myself to see my baby brother inside that casket. Before the words were completely out of my mouth the Lord showed me the truth.

I remember having my eyes soaked in tears and closed in prayer. He showed me Ricky standing next to the Lord. I couldn’t see the Lord clearly; I just knew that I knew it was Him. Ricky was standing by His side with a beautiful smile on his beautiful face. He was wearing ivory colored work pants, like Dickies. He was wearing a white button down shirt with the sleeves buttoned at the wrist. I remember thinking to myself “How odd for him to be wearing a dress shirt with work pants”.

The instant I saw this vision of my brother with the Lord the devastating pain in my chest disappeared and was replaced with intense joy. I actually laughed. I can’t explain the sudden burst of happiness that took over. I knew God in His mercy gifted to me this beautiful vision of my brother’s current state. While many were mourning Ricky at his casket the Lord allowed me to see his reality. That he had made it into the arms of our Savior.

I felt impressed by the Lord to maintain myself in worship. I immediately asked my husband for earphones and set my phone to worship songs. As we headed to the funeral home I sang songs of worship. The closer we got to the funeral home the stronger I became (this time I was obtaining strength from the Lord). My desire to weep was gone and replaced with happiness. I remember telling myself to calm down because folks were going to think that I had lost it. I had to remind myself not to smile or grin. The joy I felt was beyond reasoning.

When I arrived the casket was still open but oddly enough it didn’t bother me. I still refused to see him. I stood in one of the outer rooms waiting for an opportunity to walk up to it closed, touch it and say goodbye.

People approached me offering condolences. They were crying and were obviously broken. I found myself consoling them and offering THEM my deepest sympathies. A few walked away confused with the whole exchange. I could see it in their faces as if almost thinking to themselves, “I should be consoling her but she consoled me”. If they knew what I had just seen that morning they would be celebrating rather than mourning.

After the graveside ceremony I hugged my family lovingly and departed. As we’re exiting the cemmentary I bowed my head in prayer thanking God for being so merciful. I immediately saw Ricky again standing next to the Lord. This time his sleeves were rolled up. He seemed happy and excited. He looked like he was ready to get to work. I sensed in my spirit that he was actually waiting for us to finish the whole funeral process so that he could start his work alongside the Lord.

You see Ricky loved carpentry work. He loved working with his hands. The Lord revealed to me at that moment that Ricky was now with the Master Carpenter himself. His sleeves were rolled up because he was getting ready to go to work!

While I’m sharing with Grant what the Lord showed me, the scripture, John 14:3 came to me, “And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” Jesus reassured His disciples that he would return once he’s completed a place for us.

Ricky was called on assignment. I believe Jesus is coming soon for his Bride. He promised that he would be preparing a place for us. What an honor for Ricky to have been chosen for such a project.

I don’t judge my brother’s life here on earth. However, I am comforted knowing he is well.

The days following this event I’ve been receiving scriptures. Psalms 30:5. Weeping comes at night but JOY comes in the morning. Wow…I went from sorrow to sheer joy in an instant.

I’ve been meditating also on the fact that He had me worship through such a difficult time. I now know why. According to Isaiah 26:3…”You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.”

I believe there is more to come…